MUSIC FROM THE GREAT UNDERGROUND EMPIRE
(reprinted from U.S. News and Dungeon Report, 9/18/951)
(New Zork Times; Spring 1985; page 8)
Copyright 1985 (c) Infocom
Transcribed by Graeme Cree

     Because of the recent craze of treasure-hunting that seems to have 
swept through the remnants of the Great Underground Empire (GUE), most people 
seem to associate the GUE only with jewels and gold, and forget that it was 
once a thriving kingdom of people, replete with traditions, culture, and art.
     For example, almost every book or classroom course on the GUE ignores 
its find musical heritage.  This heritage goes back to the very earliest 
years of the GUE.  Zilbo III, the last ruler of the Entharion Dynasty, who is 
most known for his invention of the card game Double Fanucci, is also the 
inventor of the brass Trombuoy, and wrote several sonatas for Trombuoy and 
Danvictorhorn.
     The most popular music among the masses of the GUE was a type known as 
rock music, so-called because it was produced by banging together rocks 
(which were left lying all over the place following the construction of the 
caverns and tunnels of the GUE) and also because listeners frequently 
stuffed rocks in their ears due to the loud volumes involved.
     The origins of the GUE's rock music can be traced to the legendary 
singer Elvis Flathead, whose first concert in 841 propelled him to stardom.  
However, the most famous rock musicians were undoubtedly Sgt. Duffy's Lonely 
Hearts Club Band.  Their songs include "I Get By With a Little Hint From My 
Friends" ("Would you be mad if I should you a bug/Would you stand up and log 
out on me?") and "Sandy Cave" ("Sandy Cave is in my ears and in my 
eyes/There beneath the Frigid River skies").
     A later addition to the GUE's rock music scene was a group called Men 
at Zork, whose hit song "Down Under" revitalized interest in the medium ("So 
you come from a land down under/Where trolls kill and thieves plunder").  
Another popular rock artist was Billy Troll.  (Editor's Note:  As a matter of 
fact, Infocom President Troll Berez is named after him.)  Other important 
rock musicians of the GUE were a group named Jefferson Bucket (later 
re-named Jefferson Balloon) and a cute robot named Pink Floyd.
     For the royal elite, more classical styles of music were in vogue.  The 
most famous is the "Toccata and Fugue and Theme and Variations, Opus No. 
69105" by Johann Sebastian Flathead, commissioned by his cousin, Lord Dimwit 
the Excessive.  The piece was only performed once in its entirety, in 787.  
Legend has it that several members of the 98,000-piece royal orchestra, 
chorus, corps de ballet, and smoke effects crew failed to survive the 
eighty-seven day ordeal.